If Only (revised)

If only I had known what was going to happeen. If only a certain man didn't forget his jacket. If only a cetain lady got decaf instead of waiting for some regular to brew. Or maybe if the wind hadn't stolen a child's balloon as he walked across the street. If only a wife hadn't checked a text she had gotten from her husband in Iraq while driving. If only I didn't walk out the door to see what was going to happen. Or maybe if I didn't wake up at all this morning. I could've known. If I had known that at the same moment all these people would come together. If I had known that the man who forgot his jacket was an ambulence driver, and the woman who decided to wait for her coffee was a nurse, and the boy who lost his balloon was about to get hit by the woman who decided to check the text she got from her husband in Iraq, if I didn't see that that boy was going to get by an SUV going close to fifty miles per hour, this wouldn't have happened.

"How are you doing today, Evayln?" the nurse inquired, flipping through a butt load of papers clipped to a clipboard.

How could you seriously ask a question like that in a place like this, at a time like this, in a situation like this? What do they teach nurses nowadays? That really sounded like something my mom would say. "Fine," I said. That was a lie. Honestly, I felt like crap. I was sore all over and I just felt really weak, not to mention the fact I was covered in bandages and hospital-style band-aids.

"So, Evalyn..." the nurse stumbled over my name, still flipping through her papers. Just because it's different doesn't mean you have to treat it like some invading alien from Mars. I was tempted to yell this at her. She read my personal information aloud,"It says here that you're 18, turning 19 in a week. Your father died when you were seven and your mother went to Africa on a mission trip and hasn't come back, she left... oh, last year, I'm sorry." Yeah, right. "Do you remember any of this?"

"Yeah, yes I do." It was a bit fuzzy but I remember.

"Okay, just making sure. Evalyn, you suffered severe trauma to the head in a car crash, do you remember that? You stepped right in front of an SUV."

"No, I didn't! There was a boy, he hdad a balloon and it blew away, then I saw a car coming so I pushed him out of the way, I just couldn't get out of the way of the car."

"Oh, well, I haven't heard that part of the story but I bet you were some hero to that little boy, you saved his life." I hate it when people act like they believe you just to make you feel better. it's just another way of saying, 'I dont' care what you're saying, i don't believe you, shut up, kid! ... "This paper says..." her voive droned on, I zoned out for a bit. I heard the words, 'severe' and 'head damage' and I think I heard the word 'chocolate' in there. It was all just a big mass of fuzz. then I fell asleep.
I woke up to the not so melodious voice of the nurse singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. I think I might've startled her because when she saw that I was awake she ducked her head and scurried out of the room. Bored, I looked around the room. I looked at the drab sheets i was lying on and the bed covers twisted around my legs, I intwisted them. A boring tray of boring breakfast sat atop a boring metal table along with my phone and a suspicious looking note. Curious, I reached for the note and opened it quietly. It said my name on ot. It was the bucket list I had written before my father died. I played back my writing it. A little seven year old girl sitting at the dining table with her dad, so full of life, bithe writing:

1. See Mona Lisa... check, I thought.
2. Ride and elephant... check
3. Go scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef... check
4. Dance the tango in Argentina... not yet
5. Bathe in the Ganges... check
6. Spend the day in the jungle... check
7. Kiss under the Eiffel Tower... not unless you count your mom
8. Get married in Japan with cherry blossoms blowing in the breeze... if only...if only
9. Shake five famous people's hands... check
10. Live with a native African... check
11. Get my portrait painted... check
12. Be and extra in a film... check
13. Cross the country on a bike... check
14. Perform a great song in front of an audience... check
15. Ride the world's tallest rollercoaster... check

That had been so long ago. I had always hoped to finish every single one. that was my lifelong dream. I had never realized how lonely I was until i got to the hospital. Even when my mother left, Jane was there. jane had been my best friend since preschool.

My childhood reminiscions were broken by the nurse saying,

"Good news, Evalyn! I just had a talk with the doctor and he said everything's looking okay, so unless anything happens like you feel numb or dizzy, you can leave tomorrow." I hate it when people talk to me like I'm a kid.

I reaached for my phone. I had fifteen voicemail messages and twenty-seven missed calls, all from Jane. it crossed my mind once or twice that I should've called her a bit sooner. I sat there listening to my friend's frantic voice,

"Evalyn! What happened? Are you all right? I tried to come and see you but the nurses wouldn't let me! Ivan has been so scared for you. Call me when you can." Ivan was Jane's pesky Persian cat. There were fourteen messages, all similar.

After about one and a half minutes of contemplation i decided to call her back. The dial tone was loud and obnoxious making my head ache; she finally picked up.

"Hey Janey, it's me..."

"Evalyn? Oh my gosh! I can't believe it's you! It's so good to finally hear your voice!" Funny 'cause I've barely said anything. "How are you? What happened? Did you sue that driver? I swear, if I ever see anyone texting or anything and driving I'll..."

"Jane, I'm okay! I just got a few scraped and a little bonk on the head."

"Well, are you sure? 'Cause if I-"

"Really, I'm fine! I just was told, I could leave tomorrow so, could you come pick me up?"

"Oh sure! Of course I can, sweetie! I'll come and get you after breakfast. You hang in there, okay?"

"Okay! Bye, Janey!"

"All right, I'll see you in the mornin'! Bye!"